HeartBreak

Have you, at any point in your life, suffered a broken heart? Those waves of intense grief, emptiness, sadness, anger, confusion, heaviness and low self-esteem? Depending on the kind of person you are and the situation, break-ups can be traumatic enough to affect your emotional and physical health. "They may say that no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way, at least initially," says Sanjeev Sharma, 29, a software engineer who felt let down immensely when his four-year relationship with his girlfriend ended in 2005. Rishi Gupta, 29, a manager in a telecom company says his best friend Amit Sharma* was so emotionally traumatised by his heartbreak that he had heart palpitations and other health-related problems. "Most people will tell you that you'll get over it or you'll meet someone else, but it seems easier said than done," observes Pankaj Sharma, 28, an executive in a recruitment consultancy in Delhi, who experienced heartache when he broke up with his first girlfriend. There are strategies that can lessen the pain. Here are 20 steps that can help: Be aware of your real intentions Do you want to move past the break-up. Or do you harbour hopes of getting back with your ex? Define your emotional goal. You can't move on until you've truly accepted that the relationship is over. Make a clean break Don't do the 'on-again-off-again' routine. It will only prolong the inevitable. Also, resist the urge to call your ex. How do you know if you are over your ex? That's the million-dollar question. "A good indication is when you no longer want to get back together with the person. Additionally, when the thought of your ex having a relationship with someone else doesn't affect you. Although you might not necessarily be 'happy' for him/her, but if you have gotten over your ex, you won't care either way," says Pankaj. Don't get self-destructive Getting angry (or desperate), trying to hurt yourself or someone else, drinking or taking drugs to become numb and feel better, or locking yourself up in a dark room are not going to do anything to help your situation. "These things don't actually deal with the pain, they only mask it, which only prolongs the sadness," says Shalini Nigam, 24, a senior executive with an MNC in Delhi. Share your feelings It could be with a friend or family member. Talking is a great way to cleanse your soul and ease your tension. Cry it out Getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help, so it's okay to cry as much as needed, irrespective of whether you are a a guy or a girl. Give your heart time to heal It takes time for sadness to go away. This depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. "Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks -- and sometimes even months," says Pankaj. Keep yourself busy This can be difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. Just make sure you busy yourself with positive activities like doing projects around the house, going on a trip, exercising, friend-time and focusing on studies or work. "Don't get self destructive and at all costs avoid excesses of any kind," says Sanjeev. Watch a movie To distract yourself, choose a comedy that has cheered you up before. Or watch one that's guaranteed to make you sob -- you might be surprised how good that makes you feel. Take a holiday/vacation or weekend off Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit. "It recharges your batteries. It also gives you some time to think and find closure in a different setting," says Pankaj. Surround yourself with friends Interacting with others will help you in resuming a normal life balance. It may open up opportunities for new friendships too. "Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships," advises Sanjeev. Remind yourself of your good qualities Often people with broken hearts blame themselves for what happened. Getting your self-esteem back on track is the key to your recovery. Focus on yourself "You're going through a tough time, so do the things that make you feel good again," says Shalini.Pamper yourself. Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day, dance, or go shopping. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimise stress and depression. Improve yourself This is an opportunity to make a journey into self-discovery. Discover what you want from life and go after it. Get rid of the memories "Do your mourning and then put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Return it to them, throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely. Get rid of anything that keeps you in the past, if it hurts," advises Rishi. Learn from the break-up Take the positives from it, and even more importantly, learn from the negatives. "There's nothing worse than dragging your negative habits along with you to future relationships, because you'll just end up with the same result until you learn from your mistakes," says Sanjeev. Get out Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling depressed. Go for a cup of coffee or a long walk. Move on People who are dealing with a break up tend to play over past events in their head ad nauseum. This behaviour is normal in the early days of a break up but it can quickly become a dangerous and defeatist coping strategy. Remember that the end is just the beginning. Visualise your future, block out the past. Pick up the pieces and go after the kind of life and relationship you deserve. Don't punish your next partner Judge future relationships on their own merits. Don't let paranoia from the past enter the present. If you live in the past too much, you aren't ready to be in another relationship yet. Learn to trust again. Don't let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. Consider getting professional help Sometimes the sadness is so deep -- or lasts so long -- that one may need extra support. For a person who isn't starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a psychologist or counsellor or psychiatrist can be very helpful. Take charge Find the courage to pull yourself out of this rut. "Take charge of yourself and you will find that there actually is life after 'What's-His-Name' or 'What's-Her-Name'! You just need to make the decision so you can move on," says Shalini. Take tiny steps each day and you will be amazed that you are starting to feel better. Lean on your friends and family, and remember, time will heal all wounds.

Generate Ideas.

Success at work is often a result of combining knowledge, skills and the ability to inject your work environment with fresh and breakthrough ideas. While conventional wisdom teaches us to learn skills, and enhance our knowledge for the job, we often forget that we need to keep coming up with new ideas that will help the organisation succeed and also keep our jobs secure in today's competitive landscape. We offer a few tips towards helping you break out of a routine thought process and generate breakthrough ideas. Exercise your mind Your mind, like your body, needs exercise and can get it through challenges and problem-solving. A good way to feed your mind is to read a lot and study the success stories of other businesses and entrepreneurs. Read case studies related to your industry or biographies of successful people. This will not only stimulate your grey cells but also provide you a dose of inspiration. Learn how other successful people generate breakthrough ideas. Capture your thoughts When the brilliant spells do come, make sure you capture them. Don't rely on mental notes, you'll surely forget them. Have a notepad, PDA or voice recorder ready at all times, even next to your bed at night (who knows, you may suddenly strike gold at 2 am). Once you've recorded your idea, use it as soon as you can. I read an advertisement for IT company Accenture, which said: "An idea is like a cup of coffee, it's not going to stay hot forever." So remember that ideas are best when they're fresh. "I always carry a voice recorder with me and tape my thoughts. Listening to them later in the day ensures that I don't deprive myself of the brilliant phases that we all have during the day," says G Rajaraman, a senior sports correspondent with Outlook magazine. Change your setting Your mind reacts to its surroundings and has an uncanny ability to generate new ideas when the physical setting changes. You may be thinking in a very linear and academic way while you are at your workstation, so take your laptop/PDA and sit by in your office garden/park or cafeteria and you may see some fresh perspectives. Take a walk or hit the gym. The mind is agile when the body is indulging in a disciplined and rhythmic physical activity like a jog or workout. For all you know, a change of setting may bring you the inspiration you need. "I am at my best when I am out in the open with my laptop and listening to my favourite music during a lunch break," says Shelly Jain, a Delhi based consultant with NIIT. You could even take a notepad and jot down your ideas and thoughts and later organise them when you get to your workstation. The time spent thinking would be worthwhile as you will be away from the usual workplace distractions. Go out of your way to help others Step out of your job description once in a while and help others with their tasks. Do this without having to be asked. Saying, "Need a hand there?" has a two-fold effect. First, you encourage others to give of themselves, creating a more positive workplace. Second, you buy yourself a future favour, since kindness always comes back. The people you have helped will become soundboards for your ideas and will be able to give you new ideas and suggestions that may get you thinking on a new track. "A response such as 'This is not my area of work. Find out from the person concerned', shows that the individual is responding from his own frame of reference, an attitude detrimental for both employee and organisation," says Anil Bhatnagar, a management consultant. Help people whenever they need your expertise. Offer your support to new emloyees as they usually have the ability to come out with bright ideas. Their minds are fresh and have not been conditioned to think in a linear fashion like most tenured employees, so they may springboard some fresh perspectives. Know your organisation's and customers' needs You must know if what you have to offer is in high demand at work. Find out the direction in which your company is headed and the areas in which it needs maximum improvement. This will ensure that you ideas have a business impact and act as a catalyst in your growth within the organisation. There's much strength to be derived from knowing how a company operates as a whole. Tailor your ideas to meet the organisational objectives and you will be in a position to add maximum benefit to your organisation. Did you ever think that companies would be selling fairness cream for men? Emami, a Kolkata-based company with interests in personal and healthcare business realised the need and launched 'Fair and Handsome', a fairness cream for men in April 2006. The executives at Emami realised that in the age of metrosexual men, who go for manicures and pedicures, a fairness cream, if positioned well, could be a winner in the personal care market for men. Understand your work environment In today's teamwork-oriented work environments, no man is an island. You are always a part of the bigger picture that the organisation has in mind. Expose yourself to different realities. If you are a marketing person, go and spend some time with the finance team or the product management team and ask them questions about their nature of work. Learn to see things from their perspective. The best ideas sometimes come from looking outside the familiar and that is what "thinking out of the box" means. Google.com founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin were batchmates at Stanford when the thought of empowering people by creating an easy search mechanism hit them. The Naukri.com advertisement depicting Hari Sadu as the monster boss is a good example of out-of-the-box thinking, because it mixes humour with a message. So keep your eyes and ears open and indulge in some idea generation activities.